Thursday, February 08, 2007

Cycle

It seems that every time I decide to dedicate a whole part of myself to a person, it always turns against me. I am the way I am. I help whenever I can help and make people smile whenever they need or want it. And yet after doing this without any ulterior motive, I end up the one whoe needs it and yet has no where to turn. The few people that I would turn to become unapproachable because they too are in some form involved in it. Therefore what am I to do. This has happened to me so many times that I just have to give up. At the peak of this vicious cycle I decided to move on, as they say life goes on. I made new friends, a new home, new outlook. But even with all that change it seems that still I am destined to go through the same cycle all over again. Now people feel sorry for me. I am the one they look down upon and say "there goes a sad bastard". What am I to do? I keep repeating the same question and yet at each time another part of me just dies inside.
I am but the only person who seems to have this dilemma in front of me. No other. Therefore I have no frame of reference to go buy. To get advice from. To get support from. All I have is myself. Once again.

Work Ethic

Hmmm...work...something I honestly would love to do for the rest of my days. Working at a job that keepos my interest is more addictive to me than anything I have come across. Within the first week of work I would know as many protocols as I can ingest into my insignificant brain. And then I would keep asking my peers for feedback of my work so that I can pin-point areas where I lack professionalism or confidence. I would fix the problem overnight and make sure that if I repeated the same mistake again I myself would penalize myself.
I am but a workaholic, who it seems has no other real life. What I have is fast fading and seemingly finite.
Finite.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

What a Sap...

WARNING: I AM SPEAKING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MUSHY-MOVIE AFTER EFFECT

I just finished the third of a series of movies purely based on love and I must say I have become a sap for it.

One movie was called the notebook. As most of you must know its about how a young summer fling turns out to be true love, the stuff legend is made of. The movie basically details how they end up together and how evn after years of absence and when they see each other again the love is rekindled almost instantly. An years later when they are old, how the guy is so faithful and in love with his wife that, although the wife seems to have some type of alzeihmers, he reminds her every moment he can of what they had together.

The other movie I saw was 50 first dates. I expected to be a typical sandler movie full of goofy humour and typical movie love. But it turned out to be pretty exhilarating to watch how a guy who falls in love with a girl who has no short term memory thus she can't remember him. So instead of giving up he finds new ways to make her fall in love with him everyday. He sacrifices all his time and dreams to be with her and in the end realizes his dreams are nothing without her in them.

Watching these obviously sappy and somewhat overly mushy movies has brought out the sap in me. The completely useless hopelessly romantic part of me which endures to make all those dreams that the movies spoke about to reality. Many would look at what I am thinking right now and say, as a pure reflex, "what a girl". I would have to agree. The sappy state that my mind is in right now, if a girl happens to catch my fancy, I would prolly take her out to the banks of the river, have a quiet picnic set up and even have a violinist play a tune while we dine. Of course I realize this would prolly make me broke for the next two months, but in this state of mind I wouldn't care tupence about my well being.

I just read what I wrote and I think I'm going nuts. What the hell!! Who would think like that after watching 3 love stories. I mean really. Get to grips with reality I say(telling myself).

One thing I do know for sure, if and when I get the chance or opportunity to show my affection/love to a person whomever it may be, I would try to make it as amazing as I could possibly make it. Yea...and the whole ultra cliche riding of into the sunset is running in my head over and over and over again. In fact, I can't seem to get out of it!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Your eyes are like daisies on a sunny sunday morning, just smiling without a care in the world...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!....

I should be shot right now...don't you think??

Thursday, December 01, 2005

End of an Era

"Its the end of an era. Friends were made and lovers found. Friendships broken and partners lost. Its a lifetime squeezed into a year. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

It has been a pleasure and a priviledge knowing you all, seeing you all, laughing with you all and crying with you all. I leave here with good memories and bad. But I wouldn't trade them for any heavenly thing.

I won't say goodbye because I WILL SEE YOU in the future for sure. So all I will say is See You Later.

Love yous. later...
Asoka"

I wrote this last year. What was I thinking would be an appropriate wuestion, wouldn't you agree? It sounded like I was going to die or something of the sort. Very interesting indeed. But I promise you my dear readers, well wishers and people out to get me...this year will be different. If not, not much I can do.

BTW the times and dates on these blog entries are a bloody hassle if I do say so myself. I am not going to bother correcting them on the ones I posted before or the one I am writing now or the ones of the future. Just letting you know in case any of you go awal about it...you are all insane!!

Welcome to the club.

When the end...

When the end of something comes around, its in your sights, just around the corner, you tend to become reminiscent of the beginning. The end of the semester is almosst upon me...and I am thinking....not about the beginning...rather...WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

It is the end of another semester...some of it was I admit interesting, some of it life changing, but for the most part most of it was just building up to this moment, when you have finished a course and you never have to do that course again in your life.

I know it seems immature and somewhat childish, but the relief of having come to the end of another semester means I am that much closer to finishing my degree...and hopefully that much closer to conquering the world!! (As a side thought also closer to getting these rants published and thus getting myself shot upside down! --> read the first entry to understand)

I must admit, there have been times where I wish I had done better, done different or not done at all. But I hope I have learnt from all that and ready to move on to the next phase in this ever-re-occuring sequence of life. Wow...what a word. I just made that up, and it makes sense (patting myself on the back).

Here I go again reminiscing. I shouldn't. Its not worth it I tell you. But then again, it is a well known fact that you will never know where you are going if you don;t look at where you were. Otherwise there would be no progress, just an everlasting loop. I mean we would still be inventing the wheel, over and over and over. Now that would be a fate that is worse than any nightmare I can think of.

I wrote a small poem like prose at the end of last year I think. It was just wee bit of inspiration, an average amount of perspiration and whole lotta excretion but I will post it in the next entry for your enjoyment, if not another reason to find me, hunt me, torture me and shoot me.

Isn't life a whole bunch of blah!!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Love in the nude by Faith Malimban

Adam and Even fell in love in the nude...
But many fall in love in the midst of a masquerade...
Boy meets girl...boy likes girl...boy plays Romeo.
Girl meets boy...girl likes boy...the ever-endearing Juliet.
To fall in love in the nude does not mean you're stark naked...
Standing in front of your lover and then the sparks fly!
Love in the nude...open...welcoming...belonging...
No masks...no shades...no semi-charming countenance.
To love someone...there is no need for make-up...
He'll love you even if you've just said hello to sunshine.
He might cringe at your stale breath but kiss you anyway...
His own breath might not be as appealing either.
So a slight teasing comment won't hurt him...you're even!
Falling in love requires no mandatory obligation towards etiquette.
She'll wipe your nose when your cold gets shoddy...
He'll roll his eyes at your fad obsessions but say you look lovely...
She'll laugh with you over something that's not really funny...
He'll kiss away your tears even though your mascara's runny.
Love does not counsel insanity...instead ends in matrimony.
After 'I do' you'll still hate each other's annoying habits...
You'll go insane over it ten years from now...
In twenty-five years, it'll still drive you up the wall!
But she'll still make you wild with her kisses...
He'll still drive you crazy with his touch...
You'll still love...more than you hate...
Love in the nude...Love with never-ending climax...
But never reaching a happy ending...
Happy endings are only concoctions of fairy-tales...childhood fantasies.
Love in the nude...has no happy ending...
Only a happy beginning, happy middles...and happy in-betweens.
Love in the nude...makes you laugh, makes you cry...
Makes you happy, makes you sad...
Makes you joyful, makes you mad...
Whatever it does...one thing's for sure...
Love in the nude is real, is good, is pure.

For more of her amazing posts goto http://faithgrace16.blogs.friendster.com/faith/

If there is no trust, there can't be much else

What has happened to trusting people? Has everyone forgotten about it?

Let me tell you what I think trust is. It is listening to someone and keeping it your own because it was meant for you and no other. Trust is being able to look at someone and know that they would never intentionaly to any wrong to you. And most of all trust is asking someone a question and believing the answer they give you.

What really grinds my gears is that when I tell someone "its safe with me", the other assumes that somehow translates to the exact opposite. When I say I won;t tell anyone anything you trust with me that does not mean I am going to the New york times and publishing an article on what you said. If I tell you something didn;t happen, it does not mean it did.

What is anything without trust. Relationships are based on trust. Companies are based on trust. Governments are based on trust. However that does not mean you should be naive to the black sheep among the herd. But that also should not mean that you can't trust anyone.

If you don't trust anyone, nobody will trust you. That is something that is going to hold you back in the professional arena as well as personal life.

I give my trust freely and with no holds barred. I also protect trust like a mother with her new born. And to think I would break such a trust to me is one of the worst things to do. To break the trust I place in whoever is the greatest wrong you can do to me. But here I go, giving you my trust all over again, no holds barred. You may have broken my trust but I give it to you again and again, only hoping that you learn to keep it safe instead of throw it out the first chance you get.

I just hope that in the end everyone achieves what they want to achieve whether it be with me around or not. But trust people. For without trust, you will never know how beautiful life can be.

If there is no trust, there can't be much else.

Simple Life

Have you ever felt that being who you are gets you nowhere? I am a somewhat simple guy. True, I'm one who quite the few qwerks. But at the same time I look at the small things in life that make it so great to be alive. A sunrise. Dew in the morning. The sight of everything covered in white after a snowfall. Trees talking to each other through the rustling leaves and waving branches.

I wonder sometimes why life can't be a simple thing. To live life and not feel suffocated. Most people would say that if we live such a life, we achieve nothing and we remain poor all our lives. First of all living a decent and average life is by far one of the hardest things to achieve nowadays. I have yet to meet any family who has accomplished it. And as for being poor, money isn't everything. It is wise to be careful with money, as the saying goes, all things in moderation. But that does not mean you should make your life revolve around not spending too much or saving as much as possible. Sometimes you spoil yourself. And sometimes you have to let others spoil you as well. It baffles me how in this new era where everyone wants to be independant, a friend can't pay for another with the other ASSUMING there is an ulterior motive besides just being a friend.

And I come back to same question, why can;t life be simple. Stop trying to control your destiny and let it come your way. The Almighty has a plan for you and no matter what you that plan we be there. You never know what you migh be doing 10 years from now or even the next moment.

And whats most frustrating...to not find anyone else who wants the same.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Glimpse into the inner workings of my mind

I just met him. I was walking down the street back home when he jumped out of a tree and escorted me home. We spoke pretty well. Apparently he is a vegan. I gave some orange juice. Apparently he's never had orange juice, Isn't that weird? He said he is really into beans and spinach or something like that. I didn't wanna judge him. He cud be sensitive, he is green after all. Plus I just met him! I dun wan him around when i sleep, dunno what he might be like. He cud be just a stalker, he did jump out of a tree now that i think about it.
Damn, these spiders keep coming in my room to have tea parties or something. Thats what they told me, very irritating, specially when i am trying to work.
Whenever I drink orange juice I see these floating chicken currys in it. I find it weird. So I avoid it. The Green giant thot they were tasty.
I wanna kick these spiders out, but they have 2 bouncers. They look like something out of a harry potter movie.
I like ketchup. Yesterday I was hungry so I drank the ketchup bottle. It was awesome. The sausages and the burger thought it was cool. I think the burger felt out of place cos it was the only burger in here. But the potatoe gurls did this cool dance, they caled it peel n strip...very sexy. I wanted to mash them up. They were that hot.
I want to get a horse like Robin. He has a nice horse. He brought it to school yesterday. It was sitting with us in class next to me. Robin likes to wear this green suit and funny shoes. He carrys a bag of arrows, I dunno why really, he says its his safety thing or something. Anyway he was in class and suddenly he jumped up and started doing this dance. It was awesome. Dancing is fun don't u think? But those potatoes sure did dance really well. Too bad, the green giant guy missed all the fun. Even MJ showed up for a few mins. He brought his date. He looked pretty good. Name was Tony I think, in 4th grade or something. It was awesome, but it turned horrible when elmo tried to do MJ's dance. He was all over the place. Had to call big bird to pick him up. I think he was smashed. He was cute until he started hitting on the potatoe sisters. For a little guy he sure can drink alot.
Aren't planes awesome? I saw one yesterday, it was so cool, but it hit a lampost or something i dunno. It was fun until it hit the lampost. Then ppl started crying, it was a drag. I haven't spoken to u in a long time. Ppl who don't speak for a long time lose friends, thats what that guy told me last nite, whats his name, lemme remember. He said it was Rumplestiltskin I think, never cud say it. It was funny.
Don't u think apples are boring? They just sit there all red. Ppl think they are so good but they just do nothing.
But still, do u like berry picking? Dunno, I think its a drag. I mean all i see is loads of plants picking ppl. Its so boring.
U r fun, not like that green guy. He just drank orange juice, what a boring guy. I bet his donkay would be fun to see eh. I still dunno why he called me princess fiona. I am so confused, I thot I was more of a prince henry or something think.
Shud I get a hand transplant? I hear its the new thing. I cud get one arm like Arnold swartzer, however u say it, and the other like sylvester stallone. I would be so cool.
Don't u hate those bible clubs who come to ur door and preach? This lady bug once came and kept bothering me. I just told her to bugger off but she kept coming back. What a pest.
I wonder if i would do good as a person to do pest control, what do u think? I mean I work hard everyday and then I scrub the floors and clean the place. And then they give me this small bowl of soup for meals. And when I went up one time to ask for some more soup they laughed and then they kicked me out of the house to stay in the cold. I was like cleaning one time and I heard about this ball and I thot it wud be cool to go so I got this pumpkin and made a little pant from it. It was cool I think. These 2 rats helped me. There was this nice looking gurl there I wanted to ask but then it became midnight and I had to go home before the others knew I had gone out. I think that pretty gurl is looking for me but I lost one shoe at the party and the other one I left in the cab. No of course not, I haven't seen that guy in months. I dunno, I got a post card from him like some time back but it didn't have a return address. If u want I can look for him. He must be knowing where i am to send me a post card or something wouldn't u think? Watching him would be wierd wouldn't it?. It wud be like me stalking him or something. He's not even good looking, funny though.
I am thinking of buy some new shoes. Maybe I will buy it from that lady who lives in this cool house. Its in the shape of a shoe. It is so cool. She has many kids though. I dunno how she handles it. She has some cool sneakers though. I saw this guy one time he was sitting on a wall. He looked like an egg and I think he might have been suicidal. But then I think he slipped and fell. And for some reason he broke into pieces when he fell. Then out of the blue these soldiers and a king showed and tried to superglue him back together but they couldn't. The pieces were too many. I tried to help but this guy swing on a vine thing. He kept screaming everytime he swung on the vine. Very irritating. He picked me up and dropped me of somwhere over the rainbow or thats what he said. He only wore a loin cloth. Isn't that funny? I could never do that. It wud be too cold. He looked cool, but those potatoes had way better moves u know. Thinking of them..mm...mashing them up...mm...I shouldn't think like that. They are my friends. You want to bring me out? I can dressed and go out if u want but its dark and cold outside.
Man I saw this lion one day. He had this cute cub with him but he fell into a stampede of cows and died. I felt sorry for the cub but this warthog like started singing this song with him. It was fun to watch them dance. And then suddenly the cub like became this big lion and a girl lion showed up and it was so cool!
If i get into bed i can't speak to u anymre. That would be sad cos I like talking to u its fun. I think the spoon in the other room is trying to seduce me. I saw it one time and it winked and then fell so that I had to bend over to help. I get it up back near the table and it looked at me and winked again. I dunno what to do. She cute and all but I'm not attracted to her. She doesn't have the curves for me. I like something more curvy like a winding road.
Don't u like winding roads. They are so much fun, its like going on a rollercoaster except they actually speak to u and have a nice converstaion.
What do u think about nails? I like them sort of but everytime I try to sit near one or on one it feels uncomfy, like right now I have this nail near my back and it hurts sometimes but I say its a good friend so u have to bear with the pain. U can't help what it is. But its there fore u whenever u need them, holding u or ur house up. I think they are awesome don't u think? Whats the matter, do u have any qustion u want to ask me? Pls ask me. I dun want u to get conufsed or anything. Ur very cute I dun wanna confuse u.
I was sitting in a park bench yesterday evening and this two kids come up and ask me if I want to go see a house made out of candy. I was like no but then this crow started telling me how it likes shiny things and how they go from palce to place and how they don't mean to shit on ppl but they have bladder problems and they can't control it. I told them it was okay but they seem like really nice ppl. Nothing is wrong with me I think. I mean I talk normal, act normal and I have normal friends, except for the spiders. They talk so fast I can't undertand them sometimes and that damn tea party they are still having is irritating.
This one time I think day before yesterday in class I saw these 3 pigs. They just walked in all sad and then sat next to me. I asked them if they were okay and they said they lost their house cos of some wind or something. I thought it was from the hurricane but they live in Montreal. There was no hurricane there. I keep my door open in the case the orange juice wants to go to pee or something. I dunno, she seems full of citrus sometimes but I awake if any sound is there in the room and the green guy is a big guy. Pretty sure I will hear him but I'll let my pet spatula know so that he can keep any eye out for anyone. Thank u come again. Ur sweet. Gnite.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The beginning...

Well, gentlemen, gentlewomen and other folk,

Here is the beginning of THE BLOG. My name is Sir Barkalot. I, as can be seen, bark alot. On this little verbose creation you will have the opportunity to witness a small fraction of the inner workings of this very small and insignificant brain that I possess.

All I hope is that in ten years from now or 50, whichever comes first, that my rantings would be published in a book that would be so unpopular that its place in a bookstore or library, would be in a box, behind the lavatory with the title reading "The words of a person who shud be hung upside down and shot."

My hopes and dreams are in your hands!