Cycle

It seems that every time I decide to dedicate a whole part of myself to a person, it always turns against me. I am the way I am. I help whenever I can help and make people smile whenever they need or want it. And yet after doing this without any ulterior motive, I end up the one whoe needs it and yet has no where to turn. The few people that I would turn to become unapproachable because they too are in some form involved in it. Therefore what am I to do. This has happened to me so many times that I just have to give up. At the peak of this vicious cycle I decided to move on, as they say life goes on. I made new friends, a new home, new outlook. But even with all that change it seems that still I am destined to go through the same cycle all over again. Now people feel sorry for me. I am the one they look down upon and say "there goes a sad bastard". What am I to do? I keep repeating the same question and yet at each time another part of me just dies inside.

I am but the only person who seems to have this dilemma in front of me. No other. Therefore I have no frame of reference to go buy. To get advice from. To get support from. All I have is myself. Once again.

Work Ethic

Hmmm...work...something I honestly would love to do for the rest of my days. Working at a job that keepos my interest is more addictive to me than anything I have come across. Within the first week of work I would know as many protocols as I can ingest into my insignificant brain. And then I would keep asking my peers for feedback of my work so that I can pin-point areas where I lack professionalism or confidence. I would fix the problem overnight and make sure that if I repeated the same mistake again I myself would penalize myself.

I am but a workaholic, who it seems has no other real life. What I have is fast fading and seemingly finite.

Finite.